Poetry

Should i avoid every guy I love's eye contact with me

 because he winked at me

 and I just thought he was having

his usual case of blinking fits?

Should I loathe every hand

that comes near me because

 he touched me inappropriately when mama wasnt looking?

Should I play the role of the angry black chick because he stole my innocence when I should've been playing diketo with the girls down the road?

Should I spit in the faces of men who claim they 'love me'

 because

 the one who was supposed to teach me love and protect me from the ruthlessness of the cold concrete jungle that I clearly was not ready for?

Remember how you were supposed to teach me how to go on dates in future and walk away from those that aren't worth looking into the naivety that lingers in my eyes when I decided to still give life another go.

You wipe my tear with

 your dirty hand as I told you how much I long for ny father.

I accept you as my new father and accept that the memories of him will disrupt me no farther.

But I'm

seeping

 in tears

and accept the punishment

intended for me

 because I would remind

 you in protest  that I miss

 my father

-reminding you just how you will never be him.

Thrust forward,

thrust backwards,

  I've become numb.

 My underdeveloped body

 quivers from the pain.

This time your dirty hands

 pin down my shoulders.

 Is this what bad girls get for missing their fathers,

 don't they?

Another thrust forward,

backwards.

You kiss my lips

and let your consulate cigarettes

 and

cheap weed

 cover my face

in your attempts to teach me

 how to kiss.

More tears warm my face.

 I wish I were dead.

 I mean I practically was.

 You could've waited

 untill I grew breasts.

 You take more

 and more of me  each time.

 I pray once the deed is done that the same or worse happens to your daughter.

So tell me.

 With all you've done to me

 before I was even reached  16 , 

 will I still be able to love someone?

  How will I know how to spell the word? Will he love me despite my cracks?

I  want to see the world less grey hue. I want to reminisce upon a sunny day with my toes in the sand and  not how heavy your body felt on mine.

You have taken my time,

 you have no space in my future,

  now be gone.

You and those flashes of the terrors that interrupt my moments of  laughter.

 You will never let you taint my joy any further.

 This is where your role in my life ends. 

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